Adam Wishneusky

“Puns for Educated Minds”

A forward from Neil in non-octupley-quoted form:

• The fattest knight at King Arthur’s round table was Sir Cumference. He acquired his size from too much pi.
• I thought I saw an eye doctor on an Alaskan island, but it turned out to be an optical Aleutian.
• She was only a whiskey maker, but he loved her still.
• A rubber band pistol was confiscated from algebra class, because it was a weapon of math disruption.
• No matter how much you push the envelope, it’ll still be stationery.
• A dog gave birth to puppies near the road and was cited for littering.
• A grenade thrown into a kitchen in France  would result in Linoleum Blownapart.
• Two silk worms had a race. They ended up in a tie.
• A hole has been found in the camp wall. The police are looking into it.
• Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.
• Atheism is a non-prophet organization.
• Two hats were hanging on a hat rack in the hallway. One hat said to the other: ‘You stay here; I’ll go on a head.’
• I wondered why the baseball kept getting bigger. Then it hit me.
• A sign on the lawn at a drug rehab center said: ‘Keep off the Grass.’
• The midget fortune-teller who escaped from prison was a small medium at large.
• The soldier who survived mustard gas and pepper spray is now a seasoned veteran.
• A backward poet writes inverse.
• In a democracy it’s your vote that counts. In feudalism it’s your count that votes.
• When cannibals ate a missionary, they got a taste of religion.
• If you jumped off the bridge in  Paris , you’d be in Seine .
• A vulture boards an airplane, carrying two dead raccoons. The stewardess looks at him and says, ‘I’m sorry, sir, only one carrion allowed per passenger.’
• Two fish swim into a concrete wall.  One turns to the other and says ‘Dam!’
• Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, so they lit a fire in the craft. Unsurprisingly it sank, proving once again that you can’t have your kayak and heat it too.
• Two hydrogen atoms meet. One says, ‘I’ve lost my electron.’ The other says ‘Are you sure?’ The first replies, ‘Yes, I’m positive.’
• Did you hear about the Buddhist who refused Novocain during a root canal? His goal: transcend dental medication.
• There was the person who sent ten puns to friends, with the hope that at least one of the puns would make them laugh.  No pun in ten did

How I learned to stop worry and love the bomb

I love this movie and this character and this actor. “They’ll see everything. They’ll see the Big Board!”

iwdrm via merlin:

“Mr. President, I’m not saying we wouldn’t get our hair mussed. But I do say no more than ten to twenty million killed, tops.”

Dr. Strangelove or: How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Bomb (1964)

Somewhat troubling infoporn

The US Census has published block-by-block data. This interactive map on the NY Times site shows the distribution of racial and ethnic groups in NYC. Below is my white, yuppie neighborhood (Boerum Hill):

The public housing project just south of me is glaringly obvious:

Makes one think a bit…

Drinking outdoors.. you read my yelping mind

I just got an email from Yelp that reminds me I have no life. I need grad school to end! Only about a (hellish) week left of this term though, so if you want to join me in searching for beer gardens in Brooklyn/Manhattan, drop me a line.

Now that it has finally stopped raining every day, it’s time to re-emerge from hiding and enjoy the rest of summer! And what’s the best way to do that? By drinking outside, of course! So slap on a sundress or suit up in seersucker, because this week we’re hitting up the best Brooklyn spots for imbibing outdoors!